How Did I Get Here?

I wake up every day with the same question. How did I get here? I feel like a man who was drowning in a never-ending ocean. Then suddenly, I awake and find myself lying on the beach of a tropical paradise. That scenario is the metaphor for my life. At one point I was truly drowning. Love had stabbed me in the back and left me to die a lonely and painful death. Everything I treasured had been ripped from me. The love that I had cultivated over the years was now the water that was filling my lungs and dragging me down. So how did I get here?

At an early age I set my sights on a beautiful young girl. In the beginning she would have nothing to do with me, hard work and diligence soon changed that. Eventually we married and my long and troubled journey across the ocean of life began. Through a series of bad choices and mixed up priorities, I soon found myself in the tempest of a storm. It was not long before I found myself adrift in an ocean that seemed to have no borders, no end. Alone and afraid I desperately struggled to move forward and keep my head above water. As I drifted with the tides, I had time to reflect on the circumstances that had brought me to this particular point in time and more specifically my current dilemma.

I realized that I was here now not because of what others may have done to me, but instead because of what I had done to myself, my misery was a self inflicted wound. I was the captain of my own ship, I had sailed into the storm that had capsized my boat and threatened to drown my life. What began to trouble me was the feeling that maybe I had come to that conclusion too late. As the days turned into weeks then months, I desperately sought out something, anything to hold on to. Along the way I found bits and pieces of things to cling to. They served to buoy me up for short periods of time only to slip away in the night. My desperation soon turned to fear. I began to wonder if I was ever going to find my way back to land, back to a life, back into the arms of love.

Over the years I had dreamed of knowing love again, finding that someone who could make the past a faint memory and the future a bright prospect. I knew it was out there, somewhere, but would I be able to find it or would it possibly find me? I was getting tired and growing skeptical. I was so tired in fact that I decided it was time to let go of my dream and slip quietly away. I closed my eyes and let go of the last thing that held my head above the water, my dreams. As they slowly slipped through my fingertips, I began to sink down, soon the light disappeared and there was just darkness. The only thing left was to open my mouth and take in the water that would end my miserable life and the pursuit of the love that I was so desperate to find.

Then it happened, out of nowhere a hand reached into the vast depths and darkness of the ocean and pulled me to the surface. I opened my eyes and for a moment the stinging saltwater blinded me. Slowly my vision began to clear and I saw the face of an angel. She was without a doubt the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. After I gathered my senses I asked her what her name was, she replied, "Kelly." I asked her what she was doing out here all alone in the middle of nowhere? She told me she was lost, and that she to was trying to find her way back to land. We both decided that we would help each other. We had suffered through similar difficulties and traveled down similar paths. The only difference being she still held on tightly to her dreams. Her dreams were so real to her and so big that they were large enough to carry us both on this journey.

As time passed we became the best of friends, we shared everything together. Our dreams, our past lives even our secrets. As time progressed I was amazed by the fact that with each day she grew even more beautiful. With those passing days I was humbled that knowing what she knew, she was still there, still believed enough in a better life, a happier life, that she could look past my faults to see the man I could be, not the man I was.  The light that was her personality grew brighter day-by-day. We continued on our journey and as the days passed my admiration, appreciation and love for this angel grew. She had given me the one thing I needed most, and that was hope. I had never dreamed of the opportunity to spend time with an angel such as her, and now I could not dream nor comprehend a life without this angel.

Now the two people who were lost opened their eyes one day and found that they were on land. They had been on land the whole time. The lives they had led had blinded them, fooled them into thinking they were adrift, lost and drowning. Finding each other and discovering what they were in search of was the rescue they needed. In a world full of people searching for the one thing that could and would complete their lives, we found each other. We discovered the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, true love. I never thought I would be able to love again, I never thought I would be able to give myself to another person. I never thought I could unlock my heart and expose it to anyone again.

But here I am, no fear, no regret only hope. We have been together for 27 years now. Day by day my love continues to grow, her beauty continues to amaze me, her personality, charm and wisdom continues to inspire me. The ocean of despair that had no borders, no end, has been replaced by a love that knows no borders, no end.  The vast nothingness of that cold water was supplanted by a simple formula.  The only ingredients necessary to blow the doors off of despair.  She patiently and lovingly taught me that when you sprinkle hope and unconditional love on top of your dreams, anything is possible.

She claims time and again that I rescued her. I let her think that, but the truth will always be that she rescued me. I never thought I would know true love again, but the truth is I never knew true love in the first place. Call it luck, call it a blessing or call it a miracle, in a sea of people in search of one another we found each other. My life is now complete, the pain and sorrow that wrapped me up and held me down has been removed. A life that was once a dream is now a reality. Some people spend a lifetime searching for their angel. I thank God I have a lifetime to spend with mine.

She is my best friend, she is the love of my life, she is part of my soul and she is in full possession of my heart. Her name is Kelly, she is truly an angel, and she is my wife.

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